Stuck
I have not written in a while because, full disclosure I have been stuck. I wouldn’t call it writer’s block, I wouldn’t call it lack of material, I have just been stuck. Have you ever just felt like, well, nothing? Nothing bad but nothing good……..Just nothing? I had been going through the motions of life, work, workouts, yoga and normal day to day but not with the energy and excitement that is normal for me. I was hoping that getting away to the beach for a week would help me shake this, whatever it is. In some ways it has, because I am writing again. That being said, I AM writing about nothing. LOL!
Nothing
When I was sitting on the beach looking at the vastness of the sand and water, feeling small and in awe of what God has created, I was also aware of how big I was in comparison to the one small shell I became focused on. There, on the beach, I was able to think of everything and absolutely nothing at the same time. I wish I could explain that but I can’t, I felt the most void of thoughts and feelings I think I have ever felt. I would say it was scary but there wasn’t even that. Does that make me weird? Is it possible to think of nothing? It was for me, and I can say looking back it was exactly what I needed.
I left for vacation with plans to read and to write, to plan some new programs for clients and circuits for my group. I tried to read a book but I couldn’t even get past the first page. Have you ever read and then realized you were not even paying attention? Like you look back at the pages turned and don’t remember anything? It’s a strange phenomenon if you ask me. I know my eyes read the words but my brain was somewhere else….. I couldn’t even tell you where that place was that my brain went. Back to nowhere and nothing I guess? Is that what meditation feels like?
Much needed break
Is that what a vacation is supposed to be for? A break for our brains? I brought bands to do some resistance training. I knew we would walk and run (I thought I would run everyday) so I wanted to add just a little strength training. The bands never left the bag and my daily runs became one and ½ runs. BUT we did walk Skipper on the beach every morning between 3 and 4 miles. My only regret is that I didn’t do my cartwheels on the beach. I always do cartwheels on the beach, but not this time. I will have another chance this year and I won’t let it pass. Just like my brain and my thoughts, I guess my body just needed a break too? Maybe, or maybe because I couldn’t concentrate, my motivation wouldn’t get spurred? I find it somewhat ironic that my last article was about will power!
Back to it
Anyway, I came back and after a few days I was able to think again, thoughts turned back into actions and I feel a little more like my old self again.
I guess why I am sharing this is because I didn’t beat myself up. I went with a plan that I did not execute, but I rested and had alone time with Justin and Skipper. I got fresh air and sunshine (with tons of sunscreen, hats and cover-ups of course) Had great pretty darn healthy food, and a lot of sleep.
So while before I left, I felt stuck, and while I was on vacation, I felt nothing, now I am ready to feel, think and do! What, I am not so sure of, but I am sure I will figure it out soon, until next time I get stuck!
